see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
where does the pee come out of this thing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
