and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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