just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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