i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
