C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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