there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
