I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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