If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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