Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
