Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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