apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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