he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
