So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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