Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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