dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
