I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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