Can Purell be used as lube?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
