Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
