I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
