There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
