I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
