so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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