it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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