I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
