i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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