Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
