I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
