I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i believe in u and ur pee
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
