I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
