Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
