I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
