my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
