when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
