some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
