I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
