Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
