69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
