Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
