The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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