You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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