You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
