if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
