i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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