things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
