Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
