I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
