i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
