Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
