uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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