There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
