NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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